PHONE-A-BIN (PART 1)

Its me again o, for the second time. Was about to go to bed when I remembered one very indelible experience I had in school with my flat mate’s phone. At this point I must warn you that this editorial is rated 18. Reader discretion is advised….

One peaceful night, I was up in my room, watching a movie (vanilla sky I think). Now, I usually get these fits of hunger in the middle of the night so I had my dinner pretty late that day, about 10:30pm. The time now was about 1:20am. Despite the late meal, I still got very hungry at this hour. Did someone say it happens to me too?? I didn’t think so!

Hunger? No problem! I always come back to school with 2 full cartons of indomie (a local noodle brand), and since this was the fastest meal I could conjure, I hustled up and got myself to THE KITCHEN.

See my flat, with 4 rooms, housed about 16 on and off inhabitants. I was the only one staying alone in a room. So because of this multitude, the only place that we share in common, the kitchen, was reeeeally a piece of work. Extremely dirty with a capital 'D'. We had to hang a sign on the entrance that said ‘’abandon hope all ye who enter here!’’ to ward off innocent guests!

At this particular night, the dustbins (3 bagco sacks) were full and had extended their boundaries to the surrounding floor, really scary stuff i'll say. But I braved all of this and got into position and started preparing my stuff.

Then half way into the cooking, alas, disaster struck. NEPA decided we had had enough power for the night and cut off supply. ‘Chei chei chei’. And I had no candle or kerosene in my lamp as I had finished exams and had no reasons to read at night. Damn! What was a brother to do?

Fortunately, my good friend in the next room had a sonyerikson phone (K750i) that had a very bright flash light, so i got it from him after much pleading....he shouldn't have done that.

Equipped with light now I went back into the kitchen with all gusto and determination to finish what I had started. So I placed the phone, in standing position on the burglary protector by the window for greater light coverage. Now just for the records, these our dreaded and feared dustbins were located beneath this particular window. But hey, no problems, right……..wrong!!

This is where the plot thickens.

My food was almost ready now so I was busy stirring it up. Suddenly, the bloody phone chose that precise time to ring. And as it rang, it vibrated viciously. O boi! Before I could say eweee, the phone took off in full flight and landed in the dustbins. THE DUSTBINS!!!!

Of all places to fall in to, it had to be the dustbins, filled with maggots from the pit of wherever, all kinds of creepy crawlies, but most especially, cockroaches, of all sizes. The cursed device had to land in the mist of these debilitating creatures and guess what.....now i had to dip my hands in it!!

I quickly ran and called O, the handy man we had in the flat. Mind ya'll, J, the owner of the phone didn't know what was going on. But incidentally, while i was calling on O to come, J started asking for his phone....

el~correcta: O, abeg come first.
O: Na wetin??

el~correcta: Just come first now, make i tell u something.
O: Okay, i dey come.

J:Please give me my phone. I wan send sms.
el~correcta:em.....em.....i dey come

Jokingly, J asks...

J: this one you're answering like this, my phone still dey safe?abi e don fall from window or something??

el~correcta: No o. Na wa for you o. O, come now.

J: Where is my phone. Give it to me now.

By now he stands up, and starts walking with me and O to the kitchen.

el~correcta: Its nothing, its just that....that...
J: that what??
el~correcta: your phone fell
J: where is it? did it break? where is it?

I quickly burst out in one quick sentence…

el~correcta: see…wen I was cookin i…I put it on the window and…and…it started ringing.
J: So?
el~correcta: as it was ringing…shé you know your phone…
J:Yes I know my phone! What are you saying???

I pause and stop talking for a while and J is now getting agitated.

el~correcta: you know it vibrates.
J: yes I know that.
el~correcta: well the thing is…it vibrated and fell of the window. Can you imagine the silly phone? (I add this in attempt to exonorate yself somewhat.)

J understands my narration and immediately moves toward the window section of the kitchen…the dustbin area.
J calls my name repeatedly.

J: el~correcta
el~correcta: yes?

J: el~correcta
el~correcta: yes, I’m here.

J: I hope what I’m thinking, isn’t what happened.
el~correcta: mmm…(In an awful attempt to lighten the tense mood.)

J: Are you trying to tell me that….
el~correcta: yes.

J: As in my phone is in…
el~correcta: yep!




i'll continue this later people. have to log off now.....