COLD RECEPTION 2

My sis asked me why i keep breaking my posts into parts like our naija home videos. Unlike these home video producers who make many parts to one short story to 'sell market', I start writing my posts with enough enthusiasm and gusto, and half way through the damn post I just loose all steam in my fingers. After getting myself worn out, i post it anyway so that my blog can stay updated....i always like giving a visitor something new to read. There, my reason for interludes. Now, back to cold reception.





Linda, who was my girl friend's best friend, happened to be in thesame bus with me like i said, sitted a couple of seats in front of me and my cold-now-warm-thanks-to-me-friend. Apparently she was going to check something in her luggage at the back, or maybe she was coming our way just to confront me. That's history now. Here's what ensued....





Linda: El! (Thats me)





I looked up and when i saw who it was, i jerked!Not as if i was doing anything wrong, but i know linda and i know her mouth. She's the kind of girl you need when you wanna spread gist fast, and she will definitely add her own personal add-on's to whatever she's telling. This was not going to do my present situation any good.





Linda: El!

El: Ah ah! Hi linda. Whatchu doing here?

Linda: Whats that s'posed to mean. I'm going to school too.





The poor girl i was helping out couldn't really care more for whatever was going on, all she knew was that she was not so cold anymore and that was fine with her. As for me? Bad for appearances, obviously. At this point, i had given Linda all the go-first-explain-later-looks i could formulate. For where, she no even wan look my face. It all fell on deaf ears....or eyes. I made a mental note to stuff Linda down with sand next time i got her alone. She was so annoying.

Linda: I see you're busy.

EL: Me? Oh, just trying to help.

Linda: What kind of help.

El: Never mind.

Linda: I should never mind? Its ok, don't worry.

Don't worry. Linda asked me not to worry. If any other person asked me not to worry, i wouldn't. But a don't worry? Coming from Linda? That was a good time to start worrying. I mean reaallllly worry! Yeah, Linda had that effect on everyone. She was the kind of person you'll contact when you wanted quick disemination of gist, true or untrue! I could just picture her giving Nkiru (my g'friend)an exponentially adjusted picture of what she saw. I had had it.....or not. This actually ended well, expectedly so, cos i wasn't up to anything bad abi? Eeeh!!

Linda didn't speak to me for the rest of the trip. When we all got down she got her stuff and just left without a word. Not a word at all. As for Mary ( that's the cold girl), we exchanged numbers (that would be the most decent thing we could do) and went our seperate ways.

Long story short: Linda squeeled, Nkiru confronted, i explained, i got 3 days probation. We got back together! Happy ever after huh?

COLD RECEPTION

Hear ye, hear ye, fellow bloggers!! Its your faithful bandy wagon affected blogger. Now hear this: I’ve just discovered that from an option in my dashboard settings which I didn’t activate, people have been unable to leave comments on my posts. That’s really bad, I almost thought I had lost it…anyway you all can now criticise me and, I’ll get to know about what you’ve got to say. The floodgates have been flung ajar so….keep them comments coming!

Now, onto the story for the reason for this post. During one of the times I was going back to school, from lagos, I managed to get the first bus that particular day and if anybody reading this has been in any of the first buses of these transport companies (Ekene in particular), you would attest to the fact that their air conditioners usually work OVER TIME in the morning, as in you practically freeze up in them buses. And me wey never too take a/c for my little life so far, know how far with these buses. So I kak up with beta cardigan, trust your boy.

So as I entered the bus and located my seat by the isle, my window partner was a very pretty, fair complexioned, absolutely adorable, female. Wearing very revealing clothes by the way. Sitting right next to me, for the whole journey which was going to be about 7 hours including traffic, Yippeeeeee!, I tot to myself. At least my trip this time won’t be boring, and who knows, something else might happen later on after the trip. My fingers ached from keeping them crossed!!! I secretly wished for a major road block along the way for more time with this girl. Things we do for the opposite sex!!

I’ve read somewhere that offence is the best form of defence, so I took my seat with all possible caution, throwing none at all to the wind. I mean absolutely none. I sat straight, tilted a little to the side, her side, with my elbow on the hand rest and my palm supporting my chin, was fiddling with my black 60gig i-pod with my other hand, trying to ooze out some of my fine boy charm, trust me I’ve got plenty and then some. At least I think I do!

Now because of the lovely but little clothing she had on, I noticed she was beginning to feel cold and was cuddling to keep warm…my needed leverage I tot to myself. As person wey no dey shy, I decided to make my first move as the bus was just leaving the park....

El~correcta: Hi there.

She looks at me with an assessment kind of look and looks away. I tried again;

El~correcta: Hiii. You feeling cold?
Girl: What’s that supposed to mean!
El~correcta: C’mon, you don’t have to be so unfriendly.
Girl: As in…
El~correcta: As in, don’t you think your reply was rather rash?
Girl: Definitely not. Besides what makes you think I’m cold?

It worked! I got her talking whether she knew it or not.

El~correcta: I just thought, you know, because of the a/c….
Girl: You thought wrong!! If I was feeling cold I think I would know and actually do something about it okay!! So please if you don’t mind.
El~correcta: Ok ok. Sorry for asking.

Well, I guess I was wrong about having succeeded in getting her to converse with me. Everybody fails sometimes, I tot to myself. So I com dey for my own corner, she dey her side.

As we reach toll gate, I come take my corner eye look am: She was shivering all over, looking for any source of heat she could find around. Remember say she don snub me and she couldn’t really ask me for anything. But my people, I still get the intention of getting with this chic, so I decided to play the hero part and have some fun in between roles. So here goes….

El~correcta: Are you ok?
Girl: Excuse me? (she come meeeellllloooooowwww her voice well this time. I was having a good laugh inside!)
El~correcta: No, its just that you’re shaking. Do you have malaria fever or something?? (this time I almost laughed out loud!!)
Girl: Malaria ke? Nooo…
El~correcta: Typhoid?
Girl: No…
El~correcta: Jaundice?
Girl: No, please!!

By now, she was fuming so much, I could almost make out smoke rising from her head!! Almost!! But because of her predicament, I knew she was bound to have to speak to me again. So I kept quiet and focused seriously on the home video that was on, even though I never watch them home videos.

Soon enough, the freezing conditions got her yapping….

Girl: I didn’t mean to be rude (she managed to vocalise, since she was now gritting her teeth)

I acted like i din’t hear anything and started taking frightful interest to the particular scene that was on in the movie at that time. She tried again. She tapped me. I shook like I didn’t see it coming.

El~correcta: What’s the matter? (I asked with all conviction)
Girl: I was just saying that I didn’t mean to be rude then. I was just…

I cut her off politely, playing hard to get.

El~correcta: Its ok, no problem. (Back to the movie direction…away from her’s!)

I still take one eye dey spy am, omo she fine ooo. Wish I had a picture to show ya’ll!

Girl: And I don’t have malaria or any kind of fever.
El~correcta: Oh I see. (I started giving her a little attention, I don form reach now, abi my people!)
Girl: Its just the cold, its getting to me (through jittery teeth).
El~correcta: Eyah, sorry eh. Your clothes are very…um…few.
Girl: (Laughs a little). I know, I tot it would be sunny today, and this a/c is really much.
El~correcta: Yeah. Don’t you have a jacket or something?
Girl: I do but its in the boot below.
El~correcta: Oh, I see….So what are you going to do now. I can’t let you remain like this for the next 6 hours. (My head was swelling so fast, I couldn’t balance them on my shoulders!!)
Girl: Naah, don’t worry. Its only 6 more hours. I’ll be okay I guess.
El~correcta: Here let me…(.i picked her palms and put them in mine. Squeezed. )
El~correcta: Better huh?
Girl: Much better, thanks.
El~correcta: Its ok.

Then I took it another step, I raised the hand rest. Na only she fill up the space between us!!

El~correcta: You can rest here (I patted my chest. She dived for it! Too hard!!)
El~correcta: OUCH!!
Girl: Sorry, didn’t mean to hit you.

If you saw us you would think we a couple. Na so we cuddle like that for the next 2 hours or so, helping her keep warm.





Basically, this story so far looks very normal, abi? I think so. I mean, there's nothing out of the ordinary when you see a girl forming at first, then later warms up to you, we see it eveyday right? Right. That means there's actually more to this than what i've written so far. Something else happened on that bus.... My girl friend in school at that time was very keen on the type of friends she kept, so for this reason she had very few friends, among these few friends, she had a best friend....and this best friend......happened to be......on thesame bus with me......but i didn't know up till now. Every time i recall that incident and what happened later on i get shivers, really messy stuff.




I'll finish this story in my next post abeg. I just got tired of typing and was feeling i had to post something soon to my blog. So check in later for the rest of this, ok. Later peeps.

PHONE-A-BIN (PART 2)

In case you’re reading this, you might want to check out the post before this one for the prequel to this tale. If you’ve done so, here’s the rest…

J: So my phone is in the dustbin, eh?
el~correcta: em…em…something like that!

J:Ah ah, is that what you can’t say. There’s no big deal. Commot for road.

He excuses himself and heads for the dustbin and attempts to slowly rummage from the top, when his eyes finally accustoms to the poor visibility and he sees like a gazillion cockroaches ruminating in bin. He quickly retracts his hand and steps back like 3 paces.

J: Chei! omo! Did you see that? Did you see that?
el~correcta: yes, that was why I didn’t want you to come here.

O finally intervenes.

O: wait let me take it to the balcony and spread it out on the floor. We’ll spot it easier when it’s all out in the open.

So O braves it and manages to carry out the bin out to the balcony, with cockroaches everywhere scurrying about for their safety…and ours for that matter! And as he upturns the bin, a flurry of roaches sprawl across the balcony surface in their hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds! The three of us instinctively run for dear life. I personally find it demeaning and delirious at the same time because i found myself hanging on the railings of the balcony, almost toppling over from two stories up. Christ!!

After about ten good minutes, we all slowly and carefully, approach the bin site with the hope of not encountering any creatures there. We then painstakingly rummage through the offensive and foul smelling rubbish in the darkness, still dodging a couple of roaches here and there. Believe me, this is really putting it all very mildly, it’s really worse than I can ever describe.

We scavenge for a good 5 minutes, and to everybody’s amazement, the bloody phone wasn’t in the rubbish. Shit. Shit shit shit! All this, for nothing. Nothing! When suddenly O exclaims from inside the kitchen….

O: I’ve seen it! I don see am!!
J: where
el~correcta: where you see am?
O: on the floor o. its like it didn’t fall inside the bin. It just fell onto the side of the bag and feel on the floor. Imagine!

PHONE-A-BIN (PART 1)

Its me again o, for the second time. Was about to go to bed when I remembered one very indelible experience I had in school with my flat mate’s phone. At this point I must warn you that this editorial is rated 18. Reader discretion is advised….

One peaceful night, I was up in my room, watching a movie (vanilla sky I think). Now, I usually get these fits of hunger in the middle of the night so I had my dinner pretty late that day, about 10:30pm. The time now was about 1:20am. Despite the late meal, I still got very hungry at this hour. Did someone say it happens to me too?? I didn’t think so!

Hunger? No problem! I always come back to school with 2 full cartons of indomie (a local noodle brand), and since this was the fastest meal I could conjure, I hustled up and got myself to THE KITCHEN.

See my flat, with 4 rooms, housed about 16 on and off inhabitants. I was the only one staying alone in a room. So because of this multitude, the only place that we share in common, the kitchen, was reeeeally a piece of work. Extremely dirty with a capital 'D'. We had to hang a sign on the entrance that said ‘’abandon hope all ye who enter here!’’ to ward off innocent guests!

At this particular night, the dustbins (3 bagco sacks) were full and had extended their boundaries to the surrounding floor, really scary stuff i'll say. But I braved all of this and got into position and started preparing my stuff.

Then half way into the cooking, alas, disaster struck. NEPA decided we had had enough power for the night and cut off supply. ‘Chei chei chei’. And I had no candle or kerosene in my lamp as I had finished exams and had no reasons to read at night. Damn! What was a brother to do?

Fortunately, my good friend in the next room had a sonyerikson phone (K750i) that had a very bright flash light, so i got it from him after much pleading....he shouldn't have done that.

Equipped with light now I went back into the kitchen with all gusto and determination to finish what I had started. So I placed the phone, in standing position on the burglary protector by the window for greater light coverage. Now just for the records, these our dreaded and feared dustbins were located beneath this particular window. But hey, no problems, right……..wrong!!

This is where the plot thickens.

My food was almost ready now so I was busy stirring it up. Suddenly, the bloody phone chose that precise time to ring. And as it rang, it vibrated viciously. O boi! Before I could say eweee, the phone took off in full flight and landed in the dustbins. THE DUSTBINS!!!!

Of all places to fall in to, it had to be the dustbins, filled with maggots from the pit of wherever, all kinds of creepy crawlies, but most especially, cockroaches, of all sizes. The cursed device had to land in the mist of these debilitating creatures and guess what.....now i had to dip my hands in it!!

I quickly ran and called O, the handy man we had in the flat. Mind ya'll, J, the owner of the phone didn't know what was going on. But incidentally, while i was calling on O to come, J started asking for his phone....

el~correcta: O, abeg come first.
O: Na wetin??

el~correcta: Just come first now, make i tell u something.
O: Okay, i dey come.

J:Please give me my phone. I wan send sms.
el~correcta:em.....em.....i dey come

Jokingly, J asks...

J: this one you're answering like this, my phone still dey safe?abi e don fall from window or something??

el~correcta: No o. Na wa for you o. O, come now.

J: Where is my phone. Give it to me now.

By now he stands up, and starts walking with me and O to the kitchen.

el~correcta: Its nothing, its just that....that...
J: that what??
el~correcta: your phone fell
J: where is it? did it break? where is it?

I quickly burst out in one quick sentence…

el~correcta: see…wen I was cookin i…I put it on the window and…and…it started ringing.
J: So?
el~correcta: as it was ringing…shé you know your phone…
J:Yes I know my phone! What are you saying???

I pause and stop talking for a while and J is now getting agitated.

el~correcta: you know it vibrates.
J: yes I know that.
el~correcta: well the thing is…it vibrated and fell of the window. Can you imagine the silly phone? (I add this in attempt to exonorate yself somewhat.)

J understands my narration and immediately moves toward the window section of the kitchen…the dustbin area.
J calls my name repeatedly.

J: el~correcta
el~correcta: yes?

J: el~correcta
el~correcta: yes, I’m here.

J: I hope what I’m thinking, isn’t what happened.
el~correcta: mmm…(In an awful attempt to lighten the tense mood.)

J: Are you trying to tell me that….
el~correcta: yes.

J: As in my phone is in…
el~correcta: yep!




i'll continue this later people. have to log off now.....

'nuff sed?

Finally, I got a blog spot. I’ve really been overtly complacent about just being on the internet, maybe because I’ve been out of touch with extracurricular stuff, trying to get my degree on. Now that’s another story, but I ain’t going nowhere!

My sis single-handedly compelled me to have one, the blog I mean, cause she ‘thinks I’m good at writing up funny stuff, telling experiences, constucting great stories and writing up great songs. Then again that’s another story, but like I said, I ain’t going nowhere!

First of all, i really had a hard time choosing a blog screen name, being that all the queer names I call myself, (the flyest, sonnenkinder, the phoenix, el~nino…., but to mention a few!!!) had all being taken up by various bloggers. Here’s my show of appreciation….fuck you all very much!!

Hence, el~correcta was born. It really came from ruminating thoughts, brain splitting headaches, a full tube of ink, and seven chewed up finger nails, and look where all that got me…10 disjointed letters separated by a character that is really out of place…and don’t ask me what they mean, I’m still trying to figure that out myself. It just sounded mighty suave to me, what do ya’ll think. Pleaes holla back at me with an answer. Don’t hold back your opinions, ok? Thanks.

So, basically….on second thought, not basically, my mission here is not to hang upside down from a single strand of synthetic inelastic rope, trying to steal some list containing names of undercover agents and try to sell it to the highest bidder. Nahhh. Mine is more complicated. I just want to put up lyrics I think are great for everybody to see, tell you some of my most interesting and unbelievable experiences, yab some people, share ideas (that’s the right phrase for gossiping!), and make some friends in the process. We can be friends, can’t we? Sure we can.

So be nice everybody, and remember, el~correcta, or whatever he calls himself,….is watching……

That was a nice parting shot, wasn’t it?? But then again, if that was a parting shot, then what’s this here……?